Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Having a pun-filled day

Punning is an art of harmonious jingling upon words, which, passing in at the ears, excites a titillary motion in those parts; and this, being conveyed by the animal spirits into the muscles of the face, raises the cockles of the heart."
-Jonathan Swift

Can you spot the pun in my story?
I decided to go on a diet tree regime by following my neighbour's frequently-spoken about weight loss program. My neighbour is a weird person. She is always trying to lose weight but continues to frequent the coffee shops for rich beverages and delicacies. You could say she is making a moccary of her diet. I tell her to be more serious about shedding weight. She replies that she's doing alright enough. Afterall, she boasts, no one can go without food for seven days as that will make one... weak.
She borrows things from me a lot. Now, I've started to hold my items back. She never returns them. Case in point. When I asked for the sieve I lent her weeks ago, she told me she had lost it but her story didn't hold water. Who wouldn't learn to keep other people's things safely?
Now, see if you can answer these:
1. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a ______
2. A blood-sucking arachnid from the moon would be a ______
3. Aged attorneys retire because they're tired of the old _____
4. I once knew a woman who turned into a deer when the moon was full. She was a real _____
5. His resume said that he was fast at 100 meters and he had a good ______
6. A music store owner has to have ______
7. England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a ______
8. Soon after Sam and Ella got married they experienced ______
9. A mathematician who was also a horticulturist was interested in ______
10. Authors' cramp is also known as ______
11. Librarians are always going by ______
12. Have an optometrist run for president, because they are ______
13. Watches can be displayed and sold on a ______
14. The price of the big fan ______
15. A cow that is pampered too much will give ______
16. Don't believe what you hear about fleas and ticks -- it's all ______
17. An orchestra was going to broadcast some jazz live onto the net from a small room but discovered it didn't have enough ______
18. Studying fungus is a way to ______ young minds.
Answers:
1. hardened criminal
2. Luna tick
3. writ race
4. weredoe
5. track record
6. sound business practice
7. Liverpool
8. food poisoning
9. square roots and cube roots
10. Authoritis
11. the book
12. people of vision
13. time table
14. blew me away
15. spoiled milk
16. lice
17. band width
18. mold
Your score
1-6: LEA grad (upcoming)
7-12: some college (almost there)
13-18: Shakespeare (you're there!)

3 comments:

theicequeen said...

looool! absolutely delightful!

My World said...

Hey,9ice..
Thx 4 d online french link,have been tryn 2 improve ma french...

Cidersweet said...

Is the pun "seven days that will make one weak"? or is there another one?

Lol. What of those of us that score less than 6?
All the best with all your project.